50 Ways to Lose Your Lover

Part 2 of yesterday's post:

Parental Control

Premise
Parental Control has by far the strangest set-up of all of the popular dating shows. Also an MTV staple, PC begins with the parents of the contestant (high school age) screening a group of possible dates. Mom and Dad each get to choose one of the singles to go on a date with their son or daughter. Here's the twist: the son or daughter ISN'T SINGLE! In fact, their child's paramour must sit and watch the dates live on television alongside the parents. This show lives up to its potential in almost every episode. Never before have you heard 16 year-olds make such snide and underhanded comments to adults before, let alone on national television. At the end of the dates, the contestant must choose if he or she wants to stay with his current partner or go back out with one of the chosen dates. Needless to say, the show is much more entertaining when a new girl or guy is chosen.

Quality of Contestants
The participants on Parental Control are very similar to the Dismissed contestants (both shows come from MTV), but I suspect that some of the PC contestants are putting on an act. While the contestants' significant others are watching the dates on TV with the parents of the contestant, the two parties are in a constant race to see who can degrade the other the fastest. Nothing is out of bounds here. The parents' parenting abilities, weight, income, upbringing, and sense of home decor (believe me, I've heard it) are all called into question, and in the snottiest way possible. By the end of the show, no parents worth their weight in sand would ever allow their child to continue dating the gutter-snipe that they brought in at the beginning of the show. Needless to say, any opportunity to hear a pudgy 16 year-old boy call his girlfriend's mother a "tacky bitch" should NEVER be passed up.

Typical Date Activities
These dates are extremely similar to the Dismissed dates. As the contestants are all underage, binge drinking is sadly ruled out. The "cheese factor" is pretty high in most of these dates. Often times the contestant will take his date to a soccer field or basketball court and play a game that might enable him to get a kiss. Needless to say, everyone on both sides of the camera wishes that there was a pitcher of margaritas present.

Final Elimination
After the contestant has finished both dates, he or she comes back to the house with both dates to meet his parents and signifigant other. The best part about this is that someone is going to end up angry; either the current girlfriend is going to get dumped or the dates are going to be let go and the contestant's parents are going to have to endure a few more months of their son bringing home a piece of ignorant chattle.

Wild Card
This show's main appeal lies in watching a 50-something mother nearly come to blows with her son's poor choice of a girlfriend. I am not exaggerating these girls' behavior--it's as if the producers instruct every girl to watch The Bad News Bears before going on camera so that they can imitate Tatum O'Neal's character as closely as possible. While not MTV's best effort, there are worse ways to pass 30 minutes.

Blind Date

Premise
Blind Date came along before the other shows were created, and it retains much of it's appeal as it is the smartest of all cable dating shows. It is the only one to have a studio host (Roger Lodge of Talk Soup semi-fame), and it uses bubbles on the screen during the dates to poke fun at the participants "Pop-up Video" style.In a nod to patriarchal sexism, the male picks up the woman in a Ford Expedition that is outfitted with cameras and microphones. These dates do not always end with a heavy make-out session and there is no elimination, as the date simply ends at the conclusion of dinner. The real fun is watching the show's writers make fun of almost everything that comes out of these dolts' mouths.

Quality of Contestants
The typical Blind Date contestant is a mid-30s professional who seems to actually hold down a job that pays more than minimum wage. In the dating show world, this is what we call a "keeper". None of these people have a whole lot to say, which is partly because they are the type of people that have to go on telelvision to get a date, and partly because they know that everything they say and do is going to be ridiculed by hundreds of thousands of viewers.

Wild Card
Since there is no elimintaion on Blind Date, and the dates are pretty mundane (painting pottery, doing yoga, etc.), I thought I would skip to the end. Blind Date's appeal is that every few episodes, the producers set up a normal person with a complete freak for their date. You never know when this is going to happen, but you consider yourself lucky if you catch one of these episodes. It's like when you're eating a bag of Nacho Cheesier Doritos and you pull out a chip that's especially covered in nacho dust. It doesn't make your week or anything, but it's definitely a nice bonus. Watching a secretary go to a tattoo parlor with her facially pierced date is always good times.

The Bachelor

Premise
The Bachelor is the Cadillac of dating shows. Not coincidentally, it is the only one of these shows that is actually on a network (ABC). It is the only show that has contestants who might actually procure a date at some point without the aid of reality television. The show works like this: A rich, successful, 30-something guy goes to a beautiful location (SoCal coast, Parisian chateau, Italian villa, etc.) while 25 women vie for his affection. The first night that he meets the women he must eliminate 13 of them. This is not as difficult as you might imagine--all of the minorities, older women, and overweight women are eliminated at first (when I said "Cadillac" I meant white and stuffy). The remaining 12 women get eliminated by ones or twos over the next few weeks in "rose ceremonies". At the end of each episode, the bachelor goes into a courtyard where he has fewer roses to distribute than he has women remaining. Ultimately, he has one rose and two women left. These episodes are especially suspenseful.

Quality of Contestants
The Bachelor himself is always handsome, personable, and seems like an alright guy. One must keep in mind, however, that there must be a reason that he is in his 30s, attractive, and still single. I think that the show would be far more interesting if ABC picked a bachelor who was an average guy--it would be entertaining to see an overweight, balding, Paul Giamatti-type guy get to debate the merits of 25 wanna-be models. The girls are typically teachers or "marketing executives" in the 24 to 30 year-old range. The majority of them are beautiful, well-mannered women (remember, they were pre-screened for the possibility of being marriage material), save for the one or two lunatics that are thrown in the bunch to make the first few episodes more exciting. Two seasons ago, Travis the bachelor was met with a complete psycho who, within 10 minutes of meeting him, informed him that her eggs were growing old and that she needed to be fertilized soon. Needless to say, she was quickly excused from the show. This season's resident crazy was named Erica, a "socialite" from Houston who shockingly made it through 3 shows before getting the axe from bachelor Lorenzo.

Typical Date Activities
The Bachelor's dates are by far the most extravagant of all of these shows. The group dates that take place early in the show involve sightseeing in Europe, going to the beach, hot air balloons, etc. The later one-on-one dates include overnight trips across Europe. Not surprisingly, the women fall quickly in love with their rich, handsome date as he whisks them through the Alps or Monte Carlo. I actually feel bad for the women on this show; they seem sincerely in love with the bachelor, but in these circumstances they are set up for failure. When the final couple returns to the US and tries to have a normal, day-to-day relationship how are they supposed to interact when they are dealing with errands and cleaning their house when all they know as a couple is champagne and caviar? Alas, some couples aren't meant to be.

Final Elimination
Eliminations on The Bachelor come at the end of each hour-long episode in the afrementioned "rose ceremonies". The last rose ceremony is a choice between the final two women remaining. This ceremony can be somewhat uncomfortable to watch as the show tries so earnestly to be sincere. Since the participants have known each other for a few weeks (as opposed to a few hours), they have developed real feelings for each other. Watching a 30 year-old man cry on national television is never comfortable for anyone. ABC is constantly pushing the possibility of marriage on this show, but the bachelor almost never proposes to his final choice. They inevitably will break up, and the bachelor will move to LA where he will try to bed as many starlets as he can before the shine fades from his quasi-celebrity.

Wild Card
The Bachelor's key tactic in keeing its audience is that it does a good job of making you actually care about the characters. You want the nice guy to end up with the girl that you like, and to realize what a superficial tramp her opposition is. The downside to this is that if an audience favorite is eliminated prematurely, it can turn off a large portion of its viewers. The show is very addictive, but almost always leaves you dissatisfied in the end as you realize that neither character will continue to date, and essentially bilked ABC out a a free 3-week vacation in Europe.



Beyond a sense of basic escapism, I think that our affection for these shows derives from a lifetime of sappy romantic comedies and TV dramas. We know that this "reality TV" is anything but, yet we like this version of romance more than our own. We don't think of these people as existing in real life; we want them to live in a fake world of fantastic meals, sightseeing, and passionate professions of love. Similarly, we like to think that they mindless contestants of the earlier shows exist on a different planet where they emerge fully-formed from a TV show factory (this place is actually called LA, but forget that for the moment). The basic fact is that life is boring; that is not to say that it is sad or depressing, but no one's life is filled with constant stimulation and activity. Much time is spent driving to work, running errands, and doing the things that are necessary to prevent oneself from living in filth. We like the hyper-reality of these shows more than our lives, and for a short amount of time each week, we can leave our boring living room to either ridicule others or to pretend that somewhere, someone is living a life better than ours. We just don't realize that in actuality, that person is doing the same thing.

A Date That Shall Live in Infamy

I am a fan of reality TV. A big, big, big fan. This is not to say that I am indiscriminate in my indulgence; there are certain shows that I watch religiously (and have earned coveted "season pass" status on my DVR), and there are certain shows that I have never watched and probably never will. However, my tastes in reality television stand in complete opposition to my tastes in scriped TV. As far as traditional television is concerned, I watch critically acclaimed, award-winning shows: The Office, Friday Night Lights, Studio 60, Nip/Tuck, Scrubs, Rescue Me, etc. I look with disdain upon the viewers of shows like Life with Jim, King of Queens, and any other drivel that recycles the same jokes that The Cosby Show was making 20 years ago. When it concerns reality TV, however, I am a devotee of the lowest of the low--that's right. I LOVE REALITY DATING SHOWS.

It doesn't matter which show: Elimidate, Fifth Wheel, Dismissed, Parental Control, Blind Date, The Bachelor. I love them all, and for different reasons. They are like my ugly, bastard children that I can't help but adore--only my closest friends friends know of my affection for them, but I secretly want to tell everyone I know about how I can't get enough of them. I will describe the shows in two parts and try to draw a conclusion in the second, though this seems unlikely. Without further ado:

Elimidate

Premise
One guy (or girl) goes out on a date with 4 members of the opposite sex. Over the course of the 30-minute show, the (un)lucky single has to whittle down his "dates" one-by-one until he is left with one lucky-ish girl.

Quality of Contestants
Elimidate is by far the trashiest of all the dating shows. It invariably involves a girl with comically large fake breasts (let's call her Tiffany) and a guy with copious amounts of gel in his hair who is typically wearing a wife-beater as a shirt (let's call him Tony). If one of the Tiffanys fails to openmouth kiss Tony (or vise versa) within the first 20 minutes, she is almost certainly going to be eliminated.

Typical Date Activites
These dates are pretty stereotypical of dating shows. All of the singles meet as a group (this almost always happens on a pier or next to a body of water. I have no idea why they do this). If the show is 4 girls with 1 guy, the girls will start making bitchy comments about the other girls within 5 seconds of meeting them. I am convinced that this is 90% of the show's appeal. After the initial introductions, the group will go to a bar and have a few drinks. The first open-mouth kiss typically happens at this first bar (there will absolultely be other bars). After this round of drinks is downed, one girl is eliminated. She is typically the girl who stared aghast at the other girls' behavior for the 5 minutes it took them to swill their Cosmopolitans.

After the dead weight has been hacked off, the now-foursome will proceed to an "activity" that the single has "chosen". This activity will definitely involve the removal of clothes (body painting, mutual massage, water volleyball, etc.).

Final Elimination
The show proceeds until there are 2 "women" left, and the guy tells them how hard it was to make a choice, but he has to choose one of them, and he will choose Tiffany. This final choice almost always happens in a hot tub, almost always happens right after the guy has made out with each girl in front of the other, and is almost never remembered by the contestants due to an alcohol-induced blackout.

Wild card
Each show has something that makes it unique (aside from the basic premise), and Elimidate specializes in the Final Goodbye. After an Elimidate contestant is kicked off the show, she has a one-on-one interview with the camera in which she gets to have a parting shot. Each girl "disses" the other "bitches" that remain, and tell Tony what he is missing (in most cases a lifetime of fake tanner and silicon poisoning). All in all, this trash makes for enthralling television as everyone involved is completely unaware of their moral bankruptcy and lack of intelligence.

Fifth Wheel

Premise
This show's contestants are the people who were rejected for being not slutty or greasy enough (keep in mind that this still allows for plenty of sluttiness or greasiness). In the first 20 minutes of this show 2 men and 2 women each spend a date with each other on a bus (seriously), trading halfway through. With 10 minutes remaining, however, a very-attractive new contestant enters the bus, and each contestant of the opposite sex of the "Fifth Wheel" (get it??) spends time with the new entry. At the end of the show, the contestants choose if they want a second date with either of the first two girls (or guys), or with the "Fifth Wheel". As a twist, however, the girls can veto being chosen.

Quality of Contestants
These daters are slightly older than the Elimidate crowd (late 20s compared to early-mid 20s), so they keep the boozing to a minimum. Imagine if the Elimidate contestants were 5 years older and were forced to get jobs that didn't involve wearing a bikini or working in a nightclub--that would be your typical Fifth Wheel contestant. As opposed to being the scum that gets caught in the hot tub filter, they are the people that get paid $5 an hour to clean the filter.

Typical Date Activities
As I said, the majority of the show is on a bus outfitted with couches and chairs. These dates center more around conversation than drunken insults. Typical conversations revolve around "my favorite drink", "my ex", or "I hate (insert other contestant)".

Final Elimination
At the end of the show, the members of opposite sex of the "5th wheel" get to choose their favorite girls, with the girls having veto power over the selections. As this show is not always capped off by a drunken, sloppy kiss involving multiple facial piercings it doesn't measure up to the other shows' farewells. I like to think that the contestants walk off the bus and immediately begin filming an episode of "Blind Date" (more on this later).

Wild Card
The producers evidently tried to blend "Pimp My Ride" with a dating show, and the result is mixed. Instead of poor Los Angelinos getting fish tanks in their cars or 22 year-olds discussing their favorite lat exercises, we are left with a group of people in their late 20s who are so undesirable that they are still single and have enough free time to take an entire day and sit on a stationary bus with complete strangers. Let's move on.

Dismissed

Premise
This was MTV's first foray into the world of reality dating shows (if you don't count "The Real World"). It centers around a "like-triangle" made up of three 17 or 18 year olds. The contestants of the same sex each have a "time out" card that they can use during their series of group dates that will allow them to spend 15 minutes alone with their date.

Quality of Contestants
The typical male "Dismissed" contestant is a 17 year-old from LA who looks like he was assembled at the MTV Village of the Damned. I swear to God that each one of these kids looks like he bought his hair gel, hemp necklace, skateboard, bracelet, and saggy jeans all together in a "MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge starter kit". The girls aren't much better--fake tans, high heels, and the intellectual depth of a drop of dip spit.

Typical Date Activities
These dates involve little more than sitting on the beach. They are as interesting as this description.

Final Elimination
The girl chooses between the two guys, or vice versa (depending on the episode). This show recently got interesting when the producers created "Gay Dismissed". I have only seen a couple episodes of the gay version of the show, but I will say that it shows promise. This show's signature is that the "chooser" must say, "(Lance, Gabe, Thad, Chad, Jamie, etc.), you are dismissed." I think this is supposed to sting the loser, but in reality he is probably more concerned with his chemisty homework and how he is going to score some weed from his buddy's older brother later that afternoon.

Wild Card
This show's sole redeeming quality seems to be its de facto role as an audition for "Real World/Road Rules Challenge". In 5 years when some beefed-up dude is wearing an empty beer case on his head on the Challenge, we can all look back at his pre-steroid days and reminisce about simpler times.


Part 2 coming tomorrow.....

(No) Sex, (No) Lies, and Videotape

A few follow-ups on previous entries with a lengthier post coming later:

--A few of you mentioned that you hadn't heard of the "backlash" against Dane Cook that I alluded to two posts ago. The same number of you told me that you didn't know who Dane was. For both of your edifications, here is an article from Rolling Stone that pretty clearly explains the most common complaits against him. Another article, this one from Pajiba, lets him off the hook moreso than Rolling Stone, but it provides a different (less angry) view of my man Dane.

--A couple people told me that they didn't appreciate Bottle Rocket upon their first viewing. While Bottle Rocket is certainly the type of movie that is appreciated more when viewed with friends (preferably ones that have seen the movie already), I wrote at the time that you have to let those films grow on you. You can't tell me that reading Dignan's 10- and 20-year plans aren't hilarious or that robbing one's own mother for "practice" isn't comic gold.

--"Boom goes the dynamite" isn't, as far as I know, staged. I am pretty sure that it is one guy's worst nightmare caught on tape for the whole world to see. If only he was born 5 years earlier, when YouTube wasn't there to show everyone what a doofus he is. At least he spawned a catchprase, which is more than I can say for myself.

More Human than Human

I was sent this article by a friend today and thought I would pass it along. This sounds a little bit like Lake Wobegon, where "the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average." Too bad for the people living in the 3000s, though. However, with the way the world is headed these days they will be lucky if they are not living in a hellish inferno.

Come on, monkey. Do us all a favor.

Some quick-hit thoughts today. Sorry for the lengthy absence--I have been busy with my real (read: paying) job and haven't been able to channel the needed mental energy that I use to write this blog. I am going to throw a few quick hits out there for you, and I will be back soon with a long post. Enjoy.

1. I know that I am not the first person who has brought this up, but I couldn't be happier about the recent backlash against Dane Cook. He is inarguably the most popular comic in American right now (HBO series, HBO special, hit movie, SNL host, tabloid star), but I have never laughed at his routine. Ever. The origin of Dane's schtick seems to be thus: come up with an unoriginal premise, present it for a few paltry laughs, then repeat it louder and louder until people start laughing. I really think that people laugh at his "jokes" so that he will think they liked it and he will move on to the next one. Everytime I see him on TV I keep assuming that he is just giving a lengthy build up to a good joke, but the joke never comes. He evidently subscribes to the school of thought that if something isn't funny the first time, it sure as hell will be funny the 15th time.

I hear people say that they like his humor, but I have never actually seen anyone watch him on TV or repeat any of his jokes. I think most "Dane Cook fans" like the "idea" of his humor, because it means that they are tapped in to hip popular culture. It is the classic "cool by association" argument, except it falls short in this case because Dane Cook isn't that cool. He is a Boston native and self-professed Red Sox fan who was seen on his HBO series with a Yankees hat on. No real Red Sox fan would ever do this even as a joke. I think that Dane wants to claim the Sox because they present the same sort of hip cache that so many people think that Dane himself offers. It's a vicious cycle. Basically, Dane Cook sucks and the sooner that we all admit it the sooner we can all move on to someone else that will make us feel cool.

2. I've got a few music and movie suggestions for you guys out there. Some of these might seem strange at first, but give them a shot. I promise they'll grow on you.

Bottle Rocket--Wes Anderson's first feature film, it was originally a short that he made with his buddies from the University of Texas, Luke and Owen Wilson. Unfortunately Wes' films have fallen off as of late (The Life Aquatic sucked and you can't convince me otherwise), but Bottle Rocket is an amazingly confident effort from a first-time director. How they convinced James Caan to be in the film is beyond me.

Rushmore--While we're on the subject of Wes Anderson, I might as well throw in his sophomore effort. Obviously better funded, it has Bill Murray in the first of what has become his signature role of late--essentially acting like himself. He debuts his self-loathing middle-aged role here alongside Jason Schwartzman. Rushmore is a very touching movie, and pay attention to the ending. It's one of the best and most film-appropriate you'll find.

Big Fish--Arguably Tim Burton's best movie (it's by far his most accessible). To call Big Fish a father-son movie or a retelling of a man's life story would be criminal; there is no proper description for this moving story of love and misunderstanding. The ending is guaranteed to make you cry like a baby.

My Morning Jacket, Z--The follow up to their breakout album, It Still Moves, Z is rocking, haunting, silly, sad, and beautiful. "Gideon", "Lay Low", "Dondante", and "How Could I Know" are all standout tracks on an album by a band that manages to combine Southern rock know-how with a garage sound that is slickly produced without sounding derivative (like this review). Basically, I am telling you to buy this album. Listen to it 3 times all the way through, and you won't be sorry.

Velvet Underground, Loaded--For a band that wrote most of its songs about heroin, the Velvet Underground manage to sound pretty darn cheery. The rare rock band that has been mythologized before it's members' deaths, it is interesting to listen to this album and see how The Strokes, et al lucked out by managing to sound like a crappy band from the 60s but were fortunate to have songs good enough to overcome it. This is the same trick that Velvet Underground pulled off. All of this is made even weirder when you realize that their singer later became an actor, sang the song "The Wild Side", and is obsessed with Sumarais.

Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot--The best album from a great band. I would name the best songs for you, but they're all terrific. It reaffirms my belief that no one in Hollywood knows what they're doing when I remember that not only did Wilco's record company dislike this record, but YHF caused the band to be completey fired from their label. Turns out, it's regarded as one of the best albums of the past decade, if not all time. Good call, record company. Way to think that one through.

Excellence in Broadcasting (But not like Rush Limbaugh)

I have been pretty busy this week with my REAL job (the one that pays me), so I haven't had time to entertain you with my wit and insight. However, in light of YouTube's purchase by Google, I decided to share some of my favorite YouTube videos. Before you write these two off, remember: today's "Boom Goes the Dynamite" could be tomorrow's "Boo-Ya!" But hopefully not.

The Next Stuart Scott

The Next Willard Scott

Amateur Hour

This post grew out of a conversation I had with my friend Wes, who is the one person I know that is more of a sports dork than I am. If you have any comments about anything either of us says, feel free to post a comment below. The discussion began by me asking Wes, "How do you feel about the NCAA and their concept of amateurism as it relates to today’s revenue generating sports?"

Wes: I pretty much consider the NCAA and the majority of its policies a joke. There's an old story about Chris Webber when he was at Michigan. He was walking down the street one day, and saw his jersey being sold in the window of a campus bookstore. He was hungry, and went to McDonald's to get a fish sandwich, but didn't have enough money. This upset him slightly, even though he was already getting money from a booster named Ed Martin (I think) who happened to die of a heart attack during his trial. That's why the Fab Five never really existed, but that's another story. Sort of.

The NCAA makes millions of dollars in revenue off of sports every year. If you can find the stats, you'll see how much each school makes (it's amazing and UGA is one of the top three I think). The vast majority of this money comes from football, and the next most (in a lot of cases) comes from basketball. The irony behind the whole thing is that most of the athletes playing these sports probably would not have been able to attend the university that they are at without the help of that university. Therefore, athletes get scholarships. These scholarships pay for the individual to get his/her education, which is the reason all athletes go to college and should be more than enough reason for the athlete. HOWEVER, as mentioned above, most of these athletes are poor, and need money for food, etc. I believe NCAA rules do not allow athletes to have jobs, and even if they did, none of them really have that much time. In the end, it doesn't really matter anyway because if you go to a big enough school, then some booster is going to give you all the money that you need anyway. You just can't get caught, like Webber.

Hugs and Hand Pounds: A McDonald’s fish sandwich? That’s disgusting.

Webber’s taste in fast food aside, I agree with you that college players often feel justified in accepting money from boosters when they see how much others are making off of their athletic performance. The current NCAA system is almost a modern form of indentured servitude—you have to work for a few years for nothing before you earn the right to make a wage. This would be fine if everyone involved in the endeavor was operating in the same spirit of altruistic amateurism. However, the athlete is the only person involved who isn’t profiting off of their prowess, all under the guise of an antiquated idea of “amateurism”, as if college athletes are unspoiled by money and would be sullied if they accepted money in return for their performance.

The one point I don’t agree with you on is when you say that, “These scholarships pay for the individual to get his/her education, which is the reason all athletes go to college…” In the case of the type of athletes that aspire to play professionally, this is not the case. These athletes view college as a means to an end; the end is a lucrative professional career, and the means is having to sit through a few hours of class per day. We are deluding ourselves if we think that these athletes view the academic part of their lives as anything but an inconvenience. To them, college sports are a farm system for sports in which a viable alternative doesn’t exist. College football and basketball present the best chance to get into the NFL and NBA, respectively. If there were professional minor leagues that became as popular with the pros as college sports are now (i.e. minor league baseball), there would be mass defections away from the USCs and Dukes of the world.

The strange thing is that this doesn’t bother me AT ALL. Reggie Bush doesn’t care about his education? Big Deal. Neither did Deion Sanders 20 years ago. And during that time period, the dinosaurs at the NCAA have refused to admit what we all know: these athletes are doing nothing more than putting in their time in school until they can turn pro, and if they could skip academics all together, they would. I say that we allow them to accept endorsements, and we treat them like the temporary mercenaries that they already are.

W: I was being sarcastic when I said that an education is the reason that athletes go to college. Of course they don't. The vast majority of them have a dream that they will star at whatever sport they play, and then become a professional. There are reasons why athletes receive tutors that regular students don't. They are the same reasons why these tutors have the answers to most tests. Everyone is happy when the athlete stays eligible and stars on the playing field. If you look at the graduation rates for football and basketball, it won't surprise you that most hover around 50% (or worse). In fact, many seniors who are praised for staying for four years only do so to improve their draft status (with obvious rare exceptions). Many top football players drop out of school as soon as the season is over, and go to Arizona or Florida to prepare for the draft. Why wouldn't they? They are preparing themselves to be a professional and make the most money possible.

Like you said, college sports are really just a farm system for pro sports, with the exception of baseball. It would bother me for college kids to get endorsements though. I don't mind jersey sales or team product sales (maybe athletes get a cut of whatever merchandise their team sells). Could you imagine the flood of markets in small, college towns though? In Chapel Hill, Athens, Austin, Columbus, etc would all have businesses lining up out the door to get a hold of kids. And in the end (no matter how little people care), you can't have kids spending all their time doing commercials and not practicing, studying (no matter how little of that happens), and being kids.

H&HP: I see your point about endorsements. As much as I hate its hypocrisy, I wouldn’t want to college game to be dominated by commercialization in the same way that the NFL is. So, what do you suggest to fix the situation? Is there any way to create an incentive program to help out these athletes without starting down a slippery slope and ruining their incentive?

W: I'm not really sure there is an easy way to fix the situation, and that might be the reason why no solution has been created. There are so many collegiate athletes that it would be impossible to help them all. How is it fair that a third string tailback that has no hope of playing at the next level is compensated, but a swimmer that may eventually be an Olympian is not. Sure, football brings in more money than swimming, but in terms of relative skill level, the swimmer is much more relative than the football player. I really don't think that there is a way to create a program, it blows for the athletes, but that's just the way it is. In the end, it might just be better for the boosters to control everything. I also think that players are in contact with agents well before they are out of their amateur status as well. If you don't think that people like Reggie Bush want to look out for their family, then you are crazy. If someone approached you and said that they'd give your family a nice place to stay, and all you had to do was sign with him, would you not listen? Who cares if your team has to forfeit a few games, the only people who are going to care about that in the long run are the alumni and fans. Those same alumni and fans who worship the ground that athletes walk on and would (in a heartbeat) buy them dinner or give them ride (no matter how illegal).

H&HP: I agree with your point about major vs. minor sports, and I agree that there may not be an easy solution or even a solution at all. The only way in which anything is really going to change is if the NCAA brings in s reformer, but that is about as likely to happen as the institution of a football playoff system. Speaking of which……